I may lose myself and be lost in the tangles of associations and prompts and distractions and imaginations and judgements and intuitions of the mindless mind.
Sati (bare attention, mindfulness) is an exercise in the moment, and a propensity developed with training. The arising and leaving and intending-towards sati increase and decrease with practice.
The Pali texts describe sati as a hot pan that dissipates the distractions that fall upon it. If so, then the pan can be heated with awareness, and when not heated then the pan cools. They also describe sati as filled container, revealing every new addition with its spills. If so, then the container can be filled with awareness, and when not filled then the container empties.
When I am lost
When I am lost it is hard to find myself. First I do not see that I am lost, I only see the darkness and flitting motions. Second, I do not see where I should go, I only see the promises of momentum heralded by craving (to feed that which is attractive and escape the repulsive). Third, I am repulsed by the present, which appears like an abode for suffering. Fourth, if I do find sanctuary in the present then I am soon evicted by the habituated responses to turmoil (which arise).
The avijja that confounds the mind when sati is absent is more than just the absence of sati, and more than the dominance of defiling instincts. It is a cunning algorithm that prevents the realization of the mere need or benefit of sati. Thus I do not see that I am lost.
The avijja that confounds the mind when sati is absent is more than just an onslaught of craving. It is a sadistic proof of relief by cyclical patterns of grasping, diversion, and dissatisfaction. Thus I travel in circles, and do not see where I should go.
The avijja that confounds the mind when sati is absent is more than just a repetition of pain. it is also a adulterated map to pain, showing the origin of pain in the present, and coating the present moment is repulsive stimulus. Thus I am repulsed by the present.
The avijja that confounds the mind is more than just a resistance to sati. It is also a matrix that subsumes sati, displacing it into new modes of hindrance. Thus if see that I am lost, see where I should go, persevere with the phenomenon of suffering, and find the present, then I lose the present, discover new fears and needs, forget where I should go, and forget the nature of my wandering.
When I am seeking
Meditation strengthens concentration (samadhi), enables vipassana, and sparks and expands tranquility (samatha).
Meditation is a training for mindfulness. Mindfulness is a quality of mind which acts (in its presence or absence) in every aspect of life. Thus sati must be developed and practised and sought throughout the day.
When I am lost and know that I am lost, and know the general way that I must go (on the basis of recollection and reflection of my previous experiences and knowledge), and know that my repulsion towards the moment is a manifestation of an illusion, and know that the present must be sought repeatedly each time that it is lost, then I may seek sati in my day.
I intent first to know what I am doing at the present moment. Second, I intend to know what I am doing in the immediately consecutive moments. Third, I intend to know what I am doing when the goals or timeline of the present action are completed. And fourth, I intent to know my posture.
There is nothing outside the present moment, although the discursive reflections and projections insist otherwise. Thus if I know what I am doing at the moment, and attend to the characteristics of that action then eventually I may dwell in a flowing moment.
There is nothing outside the present moment, although the need to control every action and outcome draw the mind to a faux-domain outside. Thus if I know what I am doing at these moments then I can trust myself to performs these actions, and eventually I may dwell in a flowing action.
There is nothing outside the present moment, although the urges and concerns that call themselves an attendance to future well-being demand attention. Thus if I know what I am doing after this action, then there is no more weak justification for worry because I am always one step ahead, and eventually I may dwell in an integrated timeline that trusts its own schedule.
There is nothing outside the present moment, but the plethora of sensations and feelings and thoughts and formations create convincing mirages of other places. Thus if I ping the most basic and mundane and delineated manifestation of my mind – that is my body – then I may recognize my home in the present and learn to return home.
This moment is a refuge
