Editorial notes:
Shai opens this essay on how life and beauty (symbolised in the term “lilacs”) can be produced out of what looks at first like mere dead materiality (“dead soil”) with what looks like a claim to have had a mystical experience of God. He terms that experience as “How I solved the theocratic paradox in trans-noumenal space” – “trans-noumenal space” refers to the infinite “space” that transcends all finite beings and things as such. “The theocratic paradox” is that the infinite God creates and dwells also in the finite universe. In the context of the following paragraph this suggests that he “solved the paradox” by experiencing infinity directly). This, he then tells us, was induced by smoking a cocktail of marijuana and methamphetamine, after going 30 hours without sleep.
The content of this ecstatic trance apparently related at least in part to the Torah, since Shai immediately begins discussing that. He suggests that the Torah is the self-unfolding of God into the world, with each book of the Mosaic Torah revealing a different stage of this self-expression. Breishit tells “What I am”: i.e., it is about the sole God of the universe, who created it and humanity as well. Exodus tells “Who I become”: i.e., the personal God of history, unfolding in and shaping time (God gives his Name as Ehyeh asher Ehyeh, I am becoming what I am becoming, or I will be what I will be). So, He redeemed Israel from Egypt and ordered them to build the Tabernacle sanctuary so he will dwell amongst them. Leviticus tells “Who I change”: i.e., the whole people Israel and especially the priestly tribe of Levi, through the regime of mitzvoth and priestly service. Numbers tells “Who I spread”: i.e., the 12 tribes, prepared for the settlement of the Holy Land. And Deuteronomy tells “Who I transform”: i.e., again the people Israel, readied finally to fulfil its destiny, after it has been purified through chastisements, purgations and repentance.
Then Shai returns to the topic of mystical ecstasy itself (describing it as the “Merkabah” mystics of the Talmudic period described it, as riding “the chariot”) and how difficult it is to actually attain that.
In his second section of the essay, “Part 1,” which promises to discuss “A theory of ancient Semitic script metaphor overlay,” in other words, an explanation of how the Hebrew of the Torah overlays reality with deep metaphors of communication. Then he proposes that, according to Torah perspectives, God has presented the entire world of things and beings on so many levels it is very difficult or impossible to grasp all of them. (He refers to those things and beings as zot, Hebrew for “these,” signifying, I think, the “thatness” of things, their actual being in itself, what Shai earlier has called ‘noumena’ as opposed to the world of appearances, ‘phenomena’, things as they appear to us or are used by us for other goals.) The depth and levels of actual being, zot, is why the first efforts at seeking truth and the right path are so often flawed and erroneous, even idolatrous. Then Shai phrases things very oddly and even seems to be contradicting himself, since just this complexity of actual being is taken as excusing or at least explaining such idolatry, so that the tiny hints or “kisses” from the divine “show the way to a god that hides themselves before lower incarnations.” The phrasing may be meant to suggest that God leaves infinity when creating the universe, first becoming a mere entity, a god which then forms into multiple entities in the course of materialising in the world. All of this seems to be hinted at by the phrasing about a lower-case “god” who hides “themselves before lower incarnations.” So, the worship of “lower incarnations” is actually of “god” who is “hiding” in them, and when the worshipper awakens to that he/she is cleared of any guilt for the error, Shai says.
This leads to “Part 2: How I thought to use archaic rituals of self-penitence to cast far older blessings.”
First of all, the above meditation shows that “(M)y past errors were the result of past-beliefs which were at the time good, although specific negative-outcomes were collateral.” Secondly, given this exoneration, all that seems to be needed, according to Shai’s account, in order to be purged and to attain spiritual contentment, is a ritual re-enactment of the carrying of bones or ashes across a river, as Moses did when carrying Joseph’s coffin with him in the Exodus from Egypt. The details of this “archaic ritual” (which was actually not halakhically prescribed in the Torah) are presented very allusively and obscurely in the text, and I do not understand the import of those references. Possibly the “bones,” “ashes,” and even “river,” are mere metaphors having only spiritual or poetic meanings to Shai. But the ultimate goal is clearly stated: one comes to “Beauty,” i.e. Tiferet, the 6th sefirah (counting from the top) representing the heart of God.
Parts “3” and “4” are similarly too personally referential, poetical and obscure to be readily understood [EZ*].
*Many thanks to Dr. Evan Zuesse for providing the commentary for this essay.
How I solved the theocratic paradox in trans-noumenal space
[4cc methamphetamine, 1,3g decent weed, new glass pipe, 30 hours since sleep.]
There are all sorts of models for thinking about how the Torah works.
Can look at the books:
- What I am
- Who I become
- Who I change
- Who I spread
- Who I transform
Or at some of the “blurbs” which pocket its pages:
- Breisheit
- Mishkan
- 10 commandments
- Haazinu
A carriage is like a crown. How?
The crown turns the man underneath it into a king.
The carriage into a passenger.
The Merkavah is like those blurbs. It is a fire of totality which gives form.
We can each aim for the Merkavah.
But it is not easy to step beyond theory, without practice.
Part 1: A theory of ancient Semitic script metaphor overlay
Let’s define zot as the genus whose members chain the immanent (e.g. appearances) and transcendent (e.g. soul) via noumenal passages (i.e. kedusha).
- The Judaic texts, still revered in many parts of the world, describe zot as being seen through various constellations of imagery and symbolism. Amongst these are symbols for undeserved restrictions[1], and they are differentiated according to the way in which they were the result of activity versus passivity[2].
- I alas know too well, as the text’s that Rabbi’s teach, teach, that first forays are not promised success. Leah cries for Esav, perhaps seduced by his fame, and certainly not knowing that a wrestler-of-angels had stepped onto her father’s land (a better catch, the matchmakers call it).
- Those texts describe kisses from divine lips, that treat one as a younger brother in the market street. And a mouth that infuses into one’s own self inside.
- They show the way to a god who hides themselves before lower incarnations.
- They teach that the first painting is rejected and that the second is nurtured in silence.
This shows that by seeing that past-I was worshipping God for the wrong reason, aka idol, it was never actually worshipping it, rather was misperceived. Thus the present-I is removed from guilt since both I’s now share the same mouth.[3]
Part 2: How I thought to use archaic rituals of self-penitence to cast far older blessings
By seeing the difference in past-POV to now, I was able to see how Yosef[4] was unfairly betrayed. That is, my past errors were the result of past-beliefs which were at the time good, although specific negative-outcomes were collateral.
Thus I knew that by enacting teshuva in a monadic, yet devoted manner[5], I could cast my vote regarding the blinded judge[6], and thus mutate a fractured wheel into an ouroboros[7].
To complete this – according to my searches, first of its kind – an experiment in utilizing all of one’s wisdom in pursuit of truth, it was obvious I would require additional material. All theoretical, and definable only by way of utter contraction, like a sun into a paper ball into a shadow into a memory soon become faded.
At the centre of the artefact, I wondered if I could dare implement The Eight and Ten which were said to mirror somehow the visceral bloodletting and casting of ashes, which were otherwise the prefered methodology.
Around the singularity, I planned to cast anchor with my ships (planning battles in invisible realms), knowing that the crowned fires behind each dot and word and letter would rain into a field, where inside a house, a candle burned.
And of course, the Martyr’s Prayer, whose first triangular syllabary alone could adumbrate the four-headed beast I wanted to crown my soul.
In between, and before, I knew my mantra, although it was both unforgettable and unremarkable, “Beauty.”
Part 3: How I ignored an old curse and stared an angel in the eye
Joseph’s blessing would seem as though overlaying the undoing of time’s impersonal mould when it unpacks into an order which is simultaneously ugly, and flawlessly perfect.
Thus I reasoned, If I would collect myself – like a vagabond lying on a silent field, gazing at confabulous constellations – then, (i.e. after Martyr’s Prayer et al.) I would be like Joseph and would feel an explorer’s terror when standing true inside a stellar giant, whose width and grasp extended past all that could ever be conceivably possible. Throughout the words – spoken without the impropriety of listening to their logic – perhaps the night-time’s pointillism would not be forgotten (I hoped, like a clever man placing a fly swat next to his bed lest he dreams of stagnant, pooling water).
Part 4: The undescribed section in which stray thoughts pop in and out of drafted existence (like the amplitude of the angular momentum of a disco jockey’s record)
Can I SOP van Gough eyes -> within the operation? Magic ball says, “scared”.
A: I feel like I did. And it didn’t just teach me to see like he paints. It taught me to see all artistic simplification (e.g. the mis en scene evoking a post-war rebuilding is a cartoon for what complexities it must allude whilst falling short of fair representation) as artistic, and thus to see through eyes, not filters.
[1] E.g. “Lavan”
[2] Not only for the good, but also for the seemingly-bad, are man and god partners in creation. E.g. ancestor’s moving to other lands.
[3] Hei to vav. This is to take teshuva (raising of ashes) and rectify it, e.g. it was needed b/c Lavan is a trickster, so it is done in equal partnership. Why is this amazing? Because Hei is the restrictions, but how do restrictions create expanded freedom? This way.
[4] Moshe carries bones, and the kabbalists’ expound upon this peculiar annotation during the exodus from mortal slavery.
[5] I would need to carry the repaired effort across a river, even if it was only a short river.
[6] 10th judge with brothers.
[7] If you would say, “How can one use mitzvot like a sling?” then it could be said, “Because this case is unique, and it propels itself in the direction of its crown, thus justifying its efforts as both means and end [i.e. means for further ends].” And other cases? Here it is shown that mitzvot can be done for sake of becoming havu godel.
