The Day Cupid Dropped Acid

Editorial notes:
Reflections about drug (and love) experiences, in which emotions and feelings are analysed (“Hacking”) that are intensely felt but too changing and formless (as in “chariot mysticism”) to give reliable solid information; “to be studied but not believed; or Hacking the chariot of fire.” The reflections are deeply introspective. They relate to the levels and qualities of the innermost self, signified by the four faces of the Cherubim that protect the Ark, of a human, a lion, an ox and an eagle, each having different qualities and potentials. These are described as revealed above all in connection with other people, and especially by the light of love. Portions of this essay seem to be directed to a loved woman, and the final poem (entitled “Psalm 138 remixed; or, Prometheus in love with a flame princess,” is a remarkable and beautiful love poem to her, focussing on how she has revealed aspects of Shay’s own self to him. So it is self-referential, too. [EZ*]. *Many thanks to Dr. Evan Zuesse for providing the commentary for this essay.

Dreams of madness – to be studied but not believed; or, Hacking the chariot of fire.

What constellation shall all mankind strive towards,
so that we may not merely love and nurture each other,
but transcend ourselves
by the others’ brilliance?

We will do this in two ways:

1: Individually
2: Collectively
But 3: These are the same in the way they are described.

So:

What should I aim for in my night sky?

First let’s acknowledge that we already self-identified: e.g.

“I am an artist/Christian/Muslim/atheist/guardian”.

We need to have a label so that we can re-label over and over again.

On a group level, this doesn’t occur by saying “I am a Jewish nation”,

rather this occurs by

I-qua-govt-of-people

am learning to reflect my people’s desires/mishkanim.

Unless don’t want king, then will happen all from bottom-up. [Btw, need to accommodate other’s freedom].

This is why Bamidbar starts by explaining how to self-identify, and ends by saying “We must find a way of allowing past “priests” to co-exist, but not allow them to define us.

How does a non-priest aim for a religion/belief/identity which is not their every-moment’s-awareness?

By iterating self-awareness.

[Once a month  (Chodesh)] answer these: [Suggestion, not a recommendation]]

How am I a man (Adam)?
A lion.
An ox.
An eagle.

What is a man:

The opportunities I see

(available/on land,

not in the sky/after-other-things-happen/are-done).

Why is it on the right side: The opportunities I see which add flexibility/self-kindness, and not those that are self-disciplining/reprimanding.

What is a lion:

The “character” we wish we could roar, and

an instance in which it could occur.

E.g. I wish I was “that guy who makes his own way”, and

that could occur

 “By wearing what I want.”

Esp. where it can occur for self-nourishing, not self-reprimand.

What is an ox:

Our Parmenidean moon.

= (The person I am behind all the masks/hats I wear).

How can see be seen:

By asking:

What mix of people am I

(e.g. housewife and nanny and visitor to the elderly),

and then saying,

“I have lugged all these differences, but

if you look at them together you would say,

Behind them all, “I’m a giver””.

What is an eagle – Ask:

What castle-in-the-sky do my wings yearn to reach? (Secret-ish).

What is my dream

(e.g. to what heights to I wish to be lifted by/in/through the world)

This is an exercise in self-awareness and not a to-do list. Over time we learn to see our higher soul.

But how do I take it further? I want to go off the reservation #FAQ

Ruach Seara ose devaro

Ruach seara ba’a min hatzafon

There is a mystery to life. It can’t be said in a sentence, and it can’t be seen on any one day. It is something which is sensed as the “life design” for which we yearn and sigh.

It is out of this storm that the 4-faces will be moulded/whittled/eroded/directed.

Yitro heard about yam suf, and this was one reason why we (priests of strife) bring the court-system to Moshe, which parallels the act of creation (viz. Being a judge, cf. Mishkan).

We look for what is awesome/neat.
E.g. This week I saw a balloon pump and I used to like entertaining at parties. E.g. I’ve moved away from books but then noticed a book abandoned on the train.
E.g. We look for what makes our life be awesome/neat.
But for life to be awesome it has to be seen like art.
For opportunities to seem awesome, so too.

How is this done?

One way:
E.g. Recollecting what led me to balloon animals or reading, and then inserting the current opportunity into that longer narrative.

That is:
By seeing the story of life.
By seeing how something came to be in my life.
This opportunity you saw,
For it be art
It has to be seen as part of something greater.
E.g. How did you come to be able to
Receive the opportunity?
E.g. How does it fit into a bigger imagination.
E.g. How does it fit into an unfinished puzzle.
E.g. How is it weird and unbelievable – how would it be if you allowed yourself to exaggerate your story here?

Over time this will lead us to amazement at Hashem Eloheinu, aka we are the heroes of the story. (This is why divinely-directed matchmaking is equal to splitting the sea because the woman represents the world that is in partnership with us, ~scheena).

I.e. we see the world/opportunities as our partner (viz. a partner who is beyond limits).

And how can this fill the whole world/trans-borders?

Because of offen echad ba’aretz

We need to say,

• “I, nation/got/group x, know that I will change in the coming year, but right now my self-identity is y, and since I can/want to contribute z to the world-not-me, this is what I will give”
• And then We make 1 wonky-contraption out of that, which will iterate like a constellation.
• The very fact of having this wheel, and the very fact of seeing over-the-years how it changes, will reveal to us the Parmenidean moon that is the world/planet/countries.

Appendum:

“I disagree”, Response:

1. The world is greater than us
2. We can never 100% know anything
3. If we commit to doing what we think is right
   1. And keep re-evaluating
4. Then we will forever approach what is right.
5. Unless: The world is not greater OR we can know something 100% (other than saying “The world is greater than us” in different words).

Not-appendum:

Extra homework: Learn to see 4 faces in other people/groups:
Man: What opportunities does person-x flow/experience?
Lion: What character-devotions?
Ox: What cross-momentary characters?
Eagle: What weirdness(nun)-that-is-aiming-for-something-I-can’t-really-see(shin-reish)?

Generation of the 40years, or, being happy that our children will love and be happy, and so forth:

The life we have is plagued by past ignorance & limitation of opportunities for learning. But we must accept the-now if we are to build tomorrow.

Thus we start by seeing what is good,

and trusting that “Ruach Seara” will ensure that

if we need to go elsewhere for  the mystery of destined life

Then the winds will bring us to the necessary door.

And through this all

Remembering that we are conquerors of paths, not cities.

We aim for loving-beauty,

not for owning-beauty.

We aim for qualities

not traits

And we use expression (i.e. what-specifically-I-do) as windows (to see our conquests)

Not as doors (for holding our conquests)*.

*Sin of Sodom = procreating into/from/to own creation

Isha zot, or learning to see the best in the one’s who are in your life (a woman is a metaphor for the other). Woman contains man^[1]

1. Look at all the things she does (bending her back, not being herself according to the way you would be-yourself).
2. Look at how you her-life allows for you to reach for the things you choose to reach.
3. Look at how she has (forced) you to mature/develop/grow.
4. ~~Look at what she admires in you (which dreams, etc).
5. Look at the behind-the-scenes complex-orchestration.
6. Look at the way that “the things she’s given to the household” were the “things she could reach”.
7. Look at how she’s changed (alt: developed/sowed-herself)/
8. Look at how she justifies-herself by saying “I did it for kindness”.
9. How she gives you hope.
10. Look at how she’s flexible in relation to you changing (e.g. in action, motivation, beliefs, vocalized-existence, etc).
11. How she nurtures the (not you) world (which is also your world).
12. How she was responsible for certain-challenges being over-come after they had struck.
13. Her perspective’s-beauty. (aka her clothes)
14. How her relationship-with-the-world reflects your-bestness.
15. The dreams-plans which she’s pursued with you and allowed to be dropped.
16. How she makes you mad.
17. How you learn from her when you listen.
18. How she’s not depressing. Or, how she is a positive influence in general within an environment.
19. Imagine if her sphere-of-influenced praised her, how moving it would be.
20. Remember that there are other roses, but that she’s yours.
21. What is most beautiful/beloved within her is secret/transcendental.
22. Acknowledge what she’s allowed you to achieve.

[[

Are you god-fearing? Yes, I’m terrified.

If I thought, “Your belief is restricting my own”, then I should become “god-fearing”, aka, “To be a servant of something greater means accepting that I do not get to define what happens, but rather, I get to be motivated by what I believe in order to try and convince/become-the-channel for the greaterIy-I-believe.”

 ]]

Pslam 138 remixed; or, Prometheus in love with a flame princess

I had already proved myself to be beyond all reason
When you showed me
A
Further
Freedom
From
your window
From
your tower
From
my heart
Yours.

^<- Every praise I could desire.

Never again can I aim for less
Than                more
Over
Again,
Ever
Again
Now that I remember you.

How can I disbelief
The poetry of truth
When all my fantasies
Have transmuted.                                           (Let us go then)
From cloud
From vapour
From mists that descend
From mountains
Into
Life
Down
Here
Below.

 

My dream

Is to be yours

To build your palace

Your arches

My own.

 

How can eternity

Revolve around me    /

How can you (and all the other dancers I now ignore)

Dance

My steps                     (I had never learned before)             !?

Why were we warned

Away from

Fools

And crazy dreamers

Each other

Who announced

Things unseen

And pitted love

Against unending entropy

And war.

In truth, although
I myself had wished
For
my own passive yearning‘s
Victory,
I never once believed it.

Yet

My soul was immolating

Burning in conviction

Unflinching before downtrodden truths

Yet                  (you too know the attrition of life’s displeasure)

I let their embers cool

And instead became elusive

Self-deluded

Not knowing

That the fuel

was exploding

, Behind me.

 

I wished for divinity

And you brought a mirror

To show me my beauty

Showing me yours.

I reached for myself

And you reached

For me.

I

You

Caught

Mine

Yours.

I insisted that I could be
Enough
And you alone
Never laughed.
(Besides, I would refuse to hear it).

Hence

My thesis’

Conclusion:

Why should man struggle against statistics
Except
That you taught me
To ignore them.
&
Why should man wait for proof
And reward
Except
That, you, gifted,
With subtlest fingers,
The moment
Into, my
Present.
I hope that you
Did
Never know;
&
And now;
/
So that;
I
Can
Tell you
Me.

Now &c,

Yours.

---

^[1] (e.g. the genes which are at war in the X vs Y over evolutionary history). Yin-yang of every part/whole complex.