{Part 1 – 01/06/2017}
[This is a draft, because a polished version is not necessary right now, from my perspective]
Letter to a variegated nation of nations,
On one foot here is a summary of where we’re all at:
We’re in a world filled with all sorts of people,
all asking “How can we all think ourselves as each one being
on the most important journey,
how can we think that,
when the world’s journey dwarfs our self-image?”
What have we achieved here, today?
And was it us who achieved it, or was it only some of us, or
was it only a charitable, supernatural hand which did it all?
And
How can one call themselves a hero without knowing their own sacrifice
and without this knowing
how would one say
“Upon my accomplishments and virtue, I may ascend to greater, boundless, accomplishments and virtue?”
I use the parable (nb. the word parable is a parable here) of Yitzchak’s (Isaac’s, son of Abraham the first man to say “I will bow to nothing that is limited”; Abraham is called “Father of Nations”, because he represents our common sapiens ancestry in terms of cultural evolution, not biological) bravery.
“God tested Abraham”
We’re in a world that seems – falsely – to make us insignificant, but it is the way it can
inspire, since to be inspired is to see greatness outside oneself, but it also means
being able to admit that you were not shown all the possible choices
If we are to understand our own virtue, and thus our own directive to impose salient purpose upon our own lives, then we must understand the nature of the test.
The word for tested is nisa, it alludes to a constrictive force which imposes a paradigm which creates a constricted outline/relief (e.g. this is like a silhouette of a mountain, which reveals the mountain, but hides its true magnitude and terrible paths).
Why this?
Our virtue/self-justification is that we were born into a world which hid its truth from us, and thus we were forced to do what seemed best, even if we did so in an utterly wrong-minded manner. (Because the utterness of our mistake was impossible to see previously, we could only self-recriminate wrongly as well).
By saying, “Take your only son” (and sacrifice him)
We’re in a world that punishes failure, but not
to measure the limits of our potential
instead to provide a short-cut
a ladder
to reveal what had stopped you until now.
The fear of the height of a new vantage is the risk of all ventures.
If we are to understand our own growing virtue, then we must understand what is being asked of us, individually and collectively, on an ongoing, continual basis.
The first fruit of a grown sapling belong to god, according to the Torah, so too, Jacob wished to marry Rachel but had to accept that she was not currently his successful match.
We are all deserving because everyone should agree, We will do & understand (what we’ve realized is right).
What does this mean?
It means to take a leap of faith, but instead of leaping off a bridge, leaping into acts of creation which are doomed to be mere iterations in a cycle whose fruits lie beyond one’s current scope of proficiency or imagination.
“Take your son,” thus means, “Do the thing that is too important to try, because if you fail it will break your heart, and I (God) will love you for it, and even though you know that failure will humiliate and debase your spirit, trust that I will find a way to save your ego. Because I am like the burning bush, I consume, but never allow you to lose who you are.”
This lesson is alluded to in the name of Isaac: it refers to doubt. Sacrifice what you doubt you can achieve, by trying anyway, and trying it for-the-very-fact-that you know that you are imperfect (nb. God tested/nisa Avraham).
“On a mountain, I shall show you”
We’re in a world that asks us to dream high,
but doesn’t reveal the path,
until it does
In Joseph’s blessing from Jacob (aka Israel), he is told that he will receive the bounty of the ancient mountains.
The mountains are the windows to a possibility, they are like our ancient cultures (and our other great cultures) on whose slopes we find our feet.
The sacrifice that we give is individual. A mountain could be the kindness to strangers, or Amazonian eschatology, or proto-biological economics.
“Avraham et al took bundles of wood” (for the sacrifice)
A world of mountains demanding different skills,
not a singular muscular strength
instead of admiring
ingenuity and resourcefulness
But this is not enough, it is not enough to know that I must seek to fulfil my potential.
Thus we take wood – we develop the expertise which forms the ladder for the sacrifice.
One person learns empathy, another theology, and another home-economics.
Isaac wanted to know what was going on, (who was going to be sacrificed?)
A world that directs mountain climbers to peaks that nonetheless are too low to reach their stars.
because it never admired climbing
(only non-mountains admire height, whereas mountains know that they are below the heavens)
and its rewards are for those who could-not-climb and then tried and now see themselves as different.
Although this cosmopolitan address (i.e. even though I’m writing this letter that) abides a metric of congratulations and fraternal peace, it should not be taken as directives allowing excuses or abdication of personal determinability.
Here is how, no matter what your goal, you will know that you are engaging (at the level of highest soul, where all men are not merely brothers, but twin sisters), and know that your contribution matches each others’ (cf. half-shekel):
Because you will doubt, and because you will think that you have over-reached.
If you experience these in situ with your thoughts, expectations, or efforts at becoming-more, then you are fighting phenomenal entropy, which is to say, you are refusing to accept the limits which threaten to punish your hubris and audactiy.
[Btw: Do I think that one should accumulate goals, and castles-in-the-air, like charms on a bracelet? Yes/no. It is most productive to plant a tree and ensure it reaches maturity, rather than casting seeds from a plane. This is like a 3-year-old tree, that now will always [be expected to] give fruit, although perhaps if the tree was cared for even-longer, then the quantity of reliable fruit would itself improve. This is like Shavuot, which is a reset-point for self-dreaming, but so too Pesach and Yom Kippur, this is because Shavuot is like the wedding contract, after which begins a new life.]
“God will find his own sacrfice,” (Avraham re-assures his son whom he intends to sacrifice)
This world has had its mountains measured,
and their growth and recessions calculated
but has never found a formula for climbing
since climbers are measured by the shifting mountains of their dreams, not themselves
e.g. when something once looked x (e.g. hard) and now looks y (e.g. easier)
How to deal with doubt and pessimistic accounting/projections?
By knowing that the fruits of your effort will not be “the cities you conquer”, rather they will be “the paths you conquer on the way to the cities”.
What does this mean? For example, where the goal is to plant and harvest a fruit tree:
“The city” is like the productive-tree, which is now owned by the farmer (should she succeed), whereas “the path” is the wisdom and character and spiritual forces which revealed their accomplishments in the city’s conquest, but of which the city was a mere milestone.
Therefore, failure is almost incidental, and the sacrifice/worthiness you offer the world is proven by your very insecurity and striving (nb. cf. dukkha).
“Avraham built an alter”
The world enables planning but warns against false idols.
Like a climber who aims for a saddle, but detour’s around a landslide.
Those who worship the ends, forget that they were only the means for the means;
goals are like a clay servant (i.e. plastic)
Let’s step to the side to discuss what stories are, and how we can call them “true” despite also calling them “metaphors which symbolize more”.
In the Torah ladders and caves and alters can be seen as amongst the most archetypal metaphors for metaphors. This is like the monkey (kuf) which is the archetypal thing/animal which becomes something greater. Obviously, there are other animals that transcend their own limitations, but the monkey is the easiest to comprehend because it evolved the sapiens who conquered/submitted the world.
[Tzlalit, sillohete, can be seen as another: it is the archer (estimation) which conencts to something (the outline) which connects to something (the thing which is outlined; bringing revelation of the truth, the taf)]
The alter can be seen as the instruction manual for designing a constellation/goal.
It is composed of four letters:
- A lake which is ever-filling and growing from a river that feeds it
- A sword which instead of harming, nourishes
- A house which allows itself to be a home
- A string which can be tied into all sorts of designs and constructions (e.g. rope ladder, clothes, etc)
How does a lake become a string? (Taking the first, and asking how it becomes the last).
Answer: If the lake is full of fish, then it can feed the village which includes weavers and string-makers.
How does it do this?
Instead of just saying, “I’ll aim for the top office,” which after all, is the honest goal, one says, “I’ll aim for the qualities and propensities which are exemplary of the CEO who lives in the corner office”.
But does this reduce all endeavours into moral and personal development (aka self-help et al)?
No, because the lake will not be filled with our own fish (aka the son we sacrifice), rather by nature. [Cf. Seh, “sacrificial animal”]
How is this seen?
We seek every opportunity (open our eyes), to every path and city which brings us closer: Intellectual, pragmatic, technical, emotional, moral, wisdom, character traits (e.g. patience), relationships and hand-shakes. The reason we are justified in being so open-eyed, is because failure is irrelevant, because even if we fail to achieve the corner office, we will have gained something greater, and thus we were right both (1) to aim for the office, and (2) to not worry about aiming too high/off.
“Then he arranged the fire-wood”
The world allows goals to be ladders for further goals, but only if each step is empowered for its own sake and needs.
Like the hill that was a ladder for reaching the sea, and thus it’s ascent was climbed using hill-wisdom, not the seas.
First, we open our eyes to our dream-paths, then we heap expertise upon our venture’s foundation (aka our heart).
“Then he tied his son” (on the firewood)
The world allows goals to be means, because the goal is delineated,
like a mine which brings up enough iron to build a train,
rather than the mine which seeks ever-more wealth.
We open our eyes, but we restrict their drift. E.g. if one dreams of a corner office, and after some time and effort, discovers that she is now capable of aiming for an “improved” target, we do not allow ourselves to do anything which would not also enable the primary goal (aka corner office), until committing to a “greater” dream (see below).
This can be misheard, so I repeat:
We aim for x, and when we see that x.2 is feasible, do not condone its prioritizing motivations, unless they serve x (too). E.g. aim for learning Hamlet, then realize can use Hamlet to improve freestyle rap, but cannot self-claim that-one-is studying Hamlet for both literature and music, unless it actually serves both.
“Then he took the knife” (to sacrifice his son)
The world allows practical boringness to be seen as beautiful
By admiring the simple elegance of climbing a ladder
And by hiding sublime appreciation, until,
Appreciating the new opportunities/vistas they reveal.
Like a sacrifice which hides the beauty of faith.
Pause.
Although the purpose of this letter is to remind you that anyone which doubt or struggling self-esteem (in any way), is hiding but also proving their involvement in the greatest of human efforts (“the great peace”). This should not be a radical idea, after all, to be dissatisfied is to say that something is unfair, and unfairness is a concept of universal justice and dignity. The only reason we had not already announced our plans for peace is because we did not know that one could pursue peace without laying one’s neck vulnerable to attack
(aka “the fallacy of pacifism as an argument against pragmatic loving-kindness”).
Unpause.
The reason we all struggle with the fine line (bridge) between undeserved arrogance and deserved faith (i.e. faith in our own infinitely laudable worth),
the reason is that we need to walk the line between dreaming and realism.
If it were not a fine-line, this simple yet potential profound lesson (of peace) would have already been known.
If we truly want to spiral forever and more, then it is not enough to “try hard”, rather, we must “raise our hand with the knife” and then
“An angel (like a silhouette) of God stopped the knife”
The world rewards cycles,
Like wheels
Like ladders
Like alters to unseen gods
Which lead to cars, and rocket ships, and other things
Not foreseen by the departing hero,
Till after.
What does this mean? And how does it teach the spiral methodology?
Pause:
In the past we were told to keep trying, and, “You will be rewarded eventually; anyone who isn’t, perhaps did not deserve success”.
This was a pernicious adage, and tyrannical beyond the scope (except for our tears at the past’s injustices).
Unpause:
Abraham (the common ancestor of all human strivings)
Pursued a dream
Until he saw that his dream was already part of a larger dream
Which did not replace the first dream
But revealed it to be a stepping stone along a higher ladder/alter.
Let me repeat, and please don’t exclude the simplicity of the following sentence (i.e. please re-read it when you first see it):
Aim for anything, and you will be right, so long as you notice when it reveals itself to be a blessing for something greater.
Rather than aiming and persevering despite the evolved understanding of what you wanted in the first place, i.e. you wanted something x of which the goal y was a silhouette
[This is like the name El-Shaddai, which is when God says, “Enough,” don’t do Me’uma/damage/increased-potential-actually, which is to say, you realize that you don’t have to keep working on being a better CEO, because it’s already become a tree which is a path, to a further constellation]
[Btw, I have thought a lot about the Shemitta year, and suspect that we need to stop being so liberal in making commitments for life; I say this in general]
“So Avraham instead found a ram caught in a bush” (to sacrifice)
The proof of a ladder-climber is when they step off onto a new vantage point – yet ladders are infinitely climable up-down-up-down, while vantage points seem stuck. And yet only vantage points allow perfection since they demand the only perfection at one static point.
When we evolve from a lower dream into a higher dream (e.g. better tailor becomes a better lover) then we* devote a final sacrifice. Not by saying “this here is it!”, rather, by seeing what we can create which can be taken/used/learned-from by others (like the climber who reports his view to sight-seers below).
{cf. Mishkan, Termua, Omer]
[What if the creation is ephemeral or unsharable? Then we act like Rachel, who is our secret efforts which bring the most unexpectedly transcending fruits. It is not a grand gesture, nor a laudable one (i.e. not by definition). Rather it is an effort which knows its own self-worth by virtue of being the end-product of the path which preceded it.]
(Then another angel promises various rewards)
The permission to fantasize is given by the ladders which our fantasies provide – drawing our next step towards their heavenly prize
Will you agree for the moment, that it is possible that your life can become a metaphor for the life of the whole world, and that the whole world’s peace can become a metaphor for your spiralling improvements? (i.e. everything I have written above).
And finally, Avraham settled in a place (called Be’er Sheva, because it had 7 wells)
So: To have agreed to become the hero of a world which reveals it’s potential for heroes, means to agree to
aim for the stars with your heart,
and build upon the land so-far as you can reach.
May we all
Haazinu hashamayim, vetishma ha’aretz
(listen divinely, hear mortally) so that
the heavens resonate,
and the earth reveal
all the dreams
by which we defy
our own fear
Which was the reason we could never before have peace.
And which is the reason each soul is now called to make its own accounting, now that it is freed from the arrogant insanity that thinks one can know anything culpably when we can only know ever-better.
If you did agree (that there is hope for you), then I can answer this new question:
“What do I do while I wait for my spiral to reveal itself so that I am no longer doubting whether it is even possible?”
I would answer with an honest deflection:
- Stay in your home – not a literal house, but a well which is a house
- And direct your eyes to faithfulness (like shevua, oath) (e.g. to the way the world is faithfully training/directing you)
And I could elaborate:
- Gravitate towards the nexus nodes of opportunity, in which you can become like a welcome guest in a hotel (in the desert) who never knows what new travellers will bring new stories, but knows that his hosts and their services will suffice, anyhow.
- Train your thoughts, and mind, and eyes, to notice each blessing that comes your way.
[This is like a variant on the word shema, except that the filling-lake (mem) is now a shared-house (bet). In the Shema, one unifies their self-image until they see that their perspective is no-less than any other, before God. Whereas in shvua one unifies their self-image until they see that their perspective is dependent on the opportunities which the world allows them to develop (i.e. the way “I too would have been good at x except that the world didn’t give me y, like you had.” but here, “I will be good at unknown because the world is training me for my own heroic fate” (heroic by divine standards, not the circus’s)
“And he sat”
Question: How do I sit still, despite whatever logical or rationalize arguments are (perhaps) presented for patient unfolding? Aka how can one stop being reminded by how much is yearned-for-more.
Answer: Because to sit is to be in a position which acts like energy-minima in chemistry, viz. it takes less effort to stay sitting than it does to lie down, since one would have to get up and then lie down, thus sitting “locks” oneself into a sitting position.
[This is to say, it is a trick, but it is a trick which the magician plays on themselves in order to perform a greater trick]
Yud & shin & beit – a hand reaching for a fire which builds a house, where the house allows itself to be the home of hands and fires.
How is this seen?
First physically: We contort ourselves in a technical manner (this is like a hand, or like a hammer, which is contorted to be productive for reaching for a state of hammered-nails) & use this reaching-ness to be unified (shin), and that unification (just like a fire’s flames always tend upwards) brings about a state of submission (hod, bet) to being contortedly-unified (yud–shin).
Now in with a placating anecdote:
I thought that if I used chemical-modulators to replicate the sensations of self-worth, then I would reach my goal (because I thought I could conquer the city of self-worth). Thus I become sitting within that choice.
Since even this type of sitting, which causes suffering (in terms of the amount of energy required to find a new and lower minima) can be iterated into meaningful progress, therefore there is no wrong direction, only a wrong desire to be admired.
It is right to be admired for our true worth. And it is wrong to be admired for glamour or advertising or anything-that-is-not-what-makes-it-hard-to-justify-waking-up-some-mornings.
Now practically and simply:
We trick ourselves into patience by uniting our life around a house/purpose. (This is like the religious-nut who finds satisfaction by seeing their faith echoed in song amongst every experience and temporal fraction).
Once upon a time
I child did wish for more
And much, much later,
He got it all, more
And more.
Farewell yo,n squirming monkeys,
peace be upon us,
From:
Another squirming tadpole awaiting his butterfly-metamorphosis.
Aka me.
{Part 2 – 02/06/2017}
Appendix 2: Simple English Summary, for parents to translate into simple English for children:
- No one can plan for future plans – so no one knows what is the right choice
- Those who look like they know are showing confidence
- We all have to learn confidence
- But we need the confidence to say “This path was right, but is now wrong”
- This is the confidence that says “I am committed to this path for now, despite knowing that later it will feel babyish”
- But we can’t become cowards who always retreat
- Giving up is not the same as changing – that means that sometimes it is good to “give up” because you are not really giving up, just changing — tricky!
- First become more confident in 1 way, and later in a 2nd way
- But the 2nd way has to include the 1st
- E.g. first confidence in walking across the street, then in making friends at a party
- E.g. goal for 100% grade on a test is included in the goal to become horse surgeon when older
- E.g. students have school goals, even though they don’t know what it will lead to, they trust that “right now, this is my goal”
- [It doesn’t “have-to” – except that this is how goals are planted out of one another]
- Have goals – and don’t abandon them, instead, see how they lead you to your next goal when it arrives
—
Appendix 1: What did we achieve today?
Expectations of trust,
That the world trusts us
And that we trust the world
(a little more).
Why now, because in the parashah it says,
Freedom is hard, choosing is hard.
And, anything that frees you, cannot in good faith, simultaneously imprison your children.
Aka second Pesach, i.e. imagining what “I look like if free according to the current estimation of freedom”
Re mun cf. Maariv Aravim. taking each day as it comes, not knowing where it is going.
Mun is like a thing that improves into steady-state bliss, but not into mania.
Peace is often seen as security, aka trust.
But in the parashah, it looks foreboding?
This is because we desire to experience an unending evolution towards perfection
Instead of being perfectly ego-less immediately.
