{Part 1 – 09/01/2017}
How do we move ourselves forward in time? The Haftorah echoes David preparing for death (as does Yaakov in the parashah), instructing his son (and Yaakov does this in the blessing, and in the meaning of Vayechi Yaakov).
There are many difficulties. We are drowned by our own suffering (Zohar Vayechi 216), and we are hidden by our flaws (Dvarim 31.18).
This is a terrible difficulty (Kohelet 1.9), for the echoing is parmenidian[I], but our understanding biographical.
We take three steps forward, and three steps back. [I mean this as imagery, not source material]
When we walk backwards, we are blind to the space that we move into.
When we walk forwards, we revisit the places we have already been.
The Vayechi Yaakov alludes to the crux upon which we travel.
On one side are our habits and past.
On the other side are our efforts and future.
But the path which is being leveraged here is not mundane.
If it were mundane we could make a perfect plan,
we would say “I must plan xyz, and that will change my temperament into xyz, and that will change my instincts into xyz”.
Rather, the path being walked here is our entire life.
And who can say “I experienced the past so that I can be the present, so that I will become my future”?
It is only from the future that we reinterpret the past.
And in the present we see that the past is full of events “better” erased.
Let’s start a new explanation for how we make sense of our life and the present point.
Instead of trying using an explanation which starts at birth and ends at death,
or starts with premises, and ends in a conclusion,
let’s draw an image using vayechi yaakov
and then overlay that image onto the path we are trying to elucidate.
On one side of the crux is our instincts, insofar as
this is like the overlay of avraham and yaakv
which is the way that our instincts are the same as
those 2 axes
or, toldot avraham.
[I can’t prove any precise relevance since there is no indication in the text exactly how,
but there is a hint in the fact that this is Yaakov without a vav
so let me call this
The overlay of the past, it’s inspirations, nurturing, and encouragement
with who we are sans-Tiferet
i.e. everything we’ve built, except for the crux that is the centre of all that we’ve built.
That combination is on one side.]
On the other side is a perspective we can theorize, but not see,
since we can only approach it
at which point our balance is re-balanced, and what we thought was “the perspective”
was only a step towards it.
This is Yisrael
as “the mastermind behind our life”,
which is only partly “what we can understand in our life”
– part of which is overlapping “the total truth of what will be understood” –
and the rest is within the Infinite
brought out by Yaakov by crossing yabok, and the self as 70.
It is not enough to merely re-evaluate one’s life over and over.
Because that is not the mechanism of unfolding.
It is not merely that we are learning from the past, that is mundane.
Rather there is a transfer of information that is kadosh
and is carried by ahavta and avadeta.
The practical implications of all this are perhaps not exciting:
First:
The vehicle that unfolds our life story is not our habits and not our mind,
it is our emotional body.
So this cannot be excluded from our self-narration
(that we tell ourselves as we move forward).
Second:
We are metaphysically incapable (i.e. IMPOSSIBLE even in theory)
of directing our own life
insofar as we want our life to tell a story (its own story).
Our life is following the sun.
[Insofar we can see ourselves living
this is to see the shechina]
[Most references are taken from http://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/604846/jewish/Mystic-Math-the-Name-of-Jacob.htm]
{Part 2 – 09/01/2017}
Shabat, Vayechi Yaakov, and Emunah.
[Try and tell the story, and place an explanation in between paragraphs]
To trust ourselves means knowing that our nature is right.
The driving force of the soul is called Keter.
It is the force that propels the soul to be itself – and thus is called ratzon (desire or will).
In that sense it is not a subject of thought; it is a feeling of “I am driven”.
It is in a lower sense that it is called da’at, which is the cognitive construct of our drive.
And it is in a highest sense that it is called emunah, which is a ratzon whose reasoning is so familiar that it is presumed to be right.
Emuna means acting without seeking self-justification.
Emuna means holding that the very fact that I will something, makes it right.
To experience the world as aligned with our self
requires knowing that everything is as we would have it be.
The Infinite is called Nora (נורא), because everything that is/has/will exist, occurs as potential, and is called Yachid (יחיד) because it is infinite knowable only as its potential to desire, “I shall malchut“.
Everything is like a potential, qua spark, which is the emuna Nora within the Keter of Yachid.
On Shabat, nothing needs to have been changed.
Nothing needs to be achieved.
Everything is simultaneously designed and enjoyed.
Yisrael is Nefesh brought up to emet to which remains the difference kuf.
Kuf is the river and the names.
[On Shabat we can see with the Shechina,
which relates to the candles
which relates to the role of Tamar in the galut
which relates to the 41 (?) to reach emet
which relates to the symmetry of 186 between river and names
which relates to the Malchut of creation
also nb. oneg]
[Aleph – Malchut which is our experiences (in each moment) which we have emuna as been ideal
> and so cognize from the daat of this ideality
Samech – sof, which is also a Tiferet, which is our (Yaakov) oneg from the beauty we see everywhere
Taf – middle?, which is also the invigoration of our (Yisrael) keter, which comes from the chaining upwards
Reish – first, which is also the Avraham/Yaakov which is the encouragement which comes from this pattern
[This relates to the role of pleasure in hitbonenut as described in kuntres hahitpaalut]
{Part 3 – 10/01/2017}
This is inspired by:
- zohar on vayechi
- ohr hachayim on 17 re oneg
- [lubavitcher rebbe on benyamin]
- r shimshon of ostropoli on 190/210
- r pinchas of koretz on ‘listening as one’
- trpv2/oxt signalling [not necessary]
I’m starting backwards, in the hope that I can avoid sprawl.
Social interactions buffer stress. But the questions are “How do we think of the roles of this?” and therefore “How can it be used?”.
I abridge the following, especially since much of its is hypothetical: Oxytocin is related to fluid regulation (cf. vasopressin, TRP/Ca2+), and social bonds/rules. It relates to the I/other in both a social and osmotic sense. It’s buffering of stress is dependent on TRPV2, and therefore this is necessary regardless of the role for generic buffering (e.g. via NAc). The role of buffering parallels the group psychology of cooperation re stress, but distinguishes the role of individual (cf. eg. role of vole partner removal) and that is reaffirmed by the role of OXT in autism, where it is mostly supposed to be responsible for interpreting emotional cues, but thus acts as a subset of social correction of predictive coding. This further makes sense of OXT/TRPV2 axis, since not only would sufficient OXT imply sufficient resources, but would be involved in day-to-day OXT function for buffering solitary-beliefs with/against group-beliefs (which would be necessary).
This suggests: In addition to the role of socializing on generic anxiolytic pathways, OXT can be combined with “osmosis” of beliefs (nb. maybe even without explicit exchange, but cf. TRPV2 re heat re osmolarity) to strengthen stress caused by insecure standing.
This suggests the following structure for this essay:
- Keter/Bina of Atik Yamim
- 9 sons selling Yosef w/ R Shimshon
- R Pinchas
- Thus understand the iterative role of socializing predictive coding
- How this transits to the personal strengthening of belief
- Kelem vs Melech
- Re-refer to the 9-sons re 41 re Yisrael
- Re-refer this to R Pinchas
- The axis of vav (yaakOv)
- Oneg from Malchut as Emuna
- Re-refer 190/210 & 41
Summary: We see ourselves via different routes, including as the comprehending subject (CS). This can result in “damage” to our self-image, but doing so never breaks our “high-image”. Whats more, we benefit from making our CS something we “test” against others, and “supporting” with others, despite that risk, because to see ourselves truly requires seeing past blind spots. But: there are times when our self-perception is causing us shame, and we may think that the danger lies outside; rather, the source of the shame is a passivity, in which we have become weakened, having not self-established ourself, such that we allow the forces of the world to get a free-pass, reacting emotionally to them, and only then judging our emotions. What we need to realize is that our reasoning has become cut off from itself – since we depended on others for support, when we broke from them, trying to reason our way out of fear was hopeless. Reasoning is good, so is acceptance, but the key is to create a new state of mindfulness around our emotions, learning to see (what was passive) our reactive impulses and emotions as designed by us (and not by the world). At the same time, it may help us to try and establish a new relationship with others.
{Part 4 – 10/01/2017}
Judaism teaches that there is only one thing – the Infinite. So when we want to know anything; the world, things, ourselves – and especially ourselves, because we are are manifested into reality like the Infinite – we can learn it by following a single map. The map is metaphysical, but by following its explanations we can achieve tangible and specific insights.
The name of a thing refers to the essential properties of the thing. A thing may have many names, because it can be known in one aspect, or in another aspect, both of which are self-contained and sufficient.
The Infinite has many names, one of which is Eh-Ye, as in “I will-be what I will-be.” Here, the name reveals that the Infinite can be conceived as the overlay of Infinite as infinite intention (keter/crown) and as infinite design (bina/understanding).
The same holds for our self-knowledge. We too include a keter and bina, and we know ourselves by reference to them. When we think of “what am I”, we can refer to that inexpressible drive, which is something like the force which propels us into desiring this and that. That is our keter. We can also refer to the plan we have of ourselves; all the ideas we use to explain who we are, what we value, and why we do what we do. That is our bina.
Our self-knowledge is not always accurate. This is inevitable since we contain blind spots, which we can minimize by interacting with others. When we test ourselves against others, we form an interplay of (1) our perspective, (2) others’ perspectives, and (3) the world which is revealing the particular moment. This is enlightening, but it can introduce small mistakes, and also fundamental errors. Small mistakes can smooth themselves out over time, as we interact more, and as time unfolds itself. But large errors can occur which lie outside the scope of self-correction. Large errors can result from a blind-spot which includes our own perspective, other’s perspectives, and truths hidden for large stretches of time.
If an error is large enough, we might fear being caught in a labyrinth of self-doubt. This is because once we achieve a self-knowledge of Keter-Bina our entire being is designed to reinforce its perception. Trying to challenge that self-knowledge means going against our physiological instincts, our emotional readings, and our thoughts. It will seem as if the world is reinforcing that self-knowledge, even though we can think of ways it can be wrong. Every experience will bring a train of instincts, emotions, and thoughts, which argue against re-designing our self-knowledge.
But there is another name of the Infinite which is unbroken despite broken learnings. It is the name “I was/am/will-be” and is the conception of the Infinite as the sum of all ten sefirot (not just keter and bina).
Can we know our total sum? How can it be feasible? And this is a real problem, not just a difficulty because to know our totality means knowing the self which lies behind all the contradictions, and changes, and which includes all that we will be.
We can conceive of ourselves as having three ways of interacting with the world and with ourselves: We act to expand – to be inspired, encouraged, and determined. We act to finesse – to plan, to conform, and to submit. We act to bring harmony to our expansion and finesse. When we act in that third way, we are closest to our true nature, and it is in this way that we can know our total sum.
But even the way of harmony has parts. We can be in harmony in the way that we are biologically conditioned. We can be in harmony in the way that we are attuned to our emotions towards beauty. We can be in harmony in the way our thoughts and will are one. These are all vital parts of what it means to be in harmony, but it is our emotions that can act as the Archimedean point to align ourselves beyond what we could hope to achieve using habit or intellect.
Let us side-step for a point:
The name of infinite is impossible to truly know. Just as it is impossible to truly know our self. To truly know ourselves would mean seeing the “I” separate from the life it has lived. This is like the Infinite, which can be wondered about as “unknowable that could desire, without limit, I will have-been“. That desire is without form, specifying none of the ways in which it will be, and unlimited in sheer determination… The Infinite can also be wondered about as, “everything that has been, is, or will be, is a mere possibility within infinite possibilities”.
This is like us. In our purest, metaphysical sense, we are that spark, before words or experiences, which calls, “I will become myself”. And everything we have ever been, are, or will be – from the perspective of that pre-existance spark – is only one possibility. In another body or roll of dice, we would have become another life.
{Part 5 – 10/01/2017}
That keter which was the pure will saying “I will have-been”, it too can be conceived as an expression, an expression of a higher keter which said, “I will have-been a will to have-been”. And this is not just mirror-play. The infinite possibilities, and the precise possibility within those which the keter unfolded itself into, that was the higher will.
Now imagine your will, the will to bring your essence into life; if out of all the different lives that could have been lived to express your nature, that this was the one you had always intended.
At this point, this is a mere fantasy or a deluded optimism. But In a restricted form, becomes the metaphysical premise for a type of mindfulness that becomes transformative.
So how can gain self-knowledge based on all that we are?
We can’t really. But we can achieve flickers, that enable psychological recalibration, and by spiritual pathways, let us act like a clay working together with its potter.
How is this done?
Here I become instructional, less explanatory.
During the week growth is sought.
But on Shabat, there is nothing to be achieved. Nothing to be earned. No lesson, or skill, or trait to be made better past havdala.
This is first a state of mind.
Books are read as if to be forgotten. Walks enjoyed. Patience endured. Etc
Since you are seeing the world as if “whatever I am doing is exactly suitable in this moment”, the majority criteria for judgement is appreciation/aesthetic/delight.
And with this; can see the outside world – to which I am largely indifferent except as background – as also “doing exactly what is suitable for ME at this moment”.
The wind blows and the birds fly, a random thought occurs… And they are all our/my design.
{Part 6 – 10/01/2017}
undeveloped:
via R Winston neveh.org
Re klipa, adam etz daat, shaabat, malchut, zvulun
Re. yesod/atarah, yosef, chaluk pasim, ezekial with sticks yehuda/yosef:
> this is support not proof re 6III* & 6IV re Yosef re 3II
Re 210 not 260, because damage to 130/26/Yaakov looks like Yosef since the damage to Yosef was possible due to the damage to Yaakov (by Adam), and b/c of Moshe’s rule in rectification.
{Part 7 – 11/01/2017}
Yamei chayecha – ha’olam hazeh
Kol yamei chayecha – lehavi limot hamashiach.
Rabbi Elazar ben Azariya says he would not have known that the Egyptian redemption was to be said at night, but for a disagreement between Ben Zoma and the majority, on whether the Egyptian redemption would be remembered after the final redemption.
The problem can be seen as the overlay of a circular time. In which case, will there be anything seen in the Egyptian that is not seen in the final?
As you look over the past, it looks like darkness.
This is an echoing of adam rishon, emanating, shattering, designing itself.
The darkness echoes the fast[1] of Adam.
The fast echoes the chevel nachalato that suffers to become vayechi.
At every waypoint, we can look backwards and see the five chapters that brought us to this point: The five names of malchut within the name of malchut.
And although these things don’t tell us when the darkness will end, they at least tell us that we can stumble blindly still with a purpose.
To understand the universe is to understand ourselves – this is a truth widely but not commonly known. To understand how reality formed is to understand how we are forming.
As Adam, reality is the (10) dimensions of what is now comprised. This is complicated but simple: The thing-that-is-I began as all the potential that would become me, now and in the future.
We had the potential to be this and that, but for these potentials to interact they must relate to each other, like Adam eating the fruit, they suddenly gain “knowledge” of each other[2].
The reason that our potentials needed to relate is obvious – if an object is to have both length and width, then each point of length must have a width. But which is prior? It is this paradox, which to our ears does not sound like a paradox (since of-course neither is prior) which requires a new compromise.
We know that each point of length contains its own reference axes of width and height. It is the same with our potentials if they are to be combined[3]. But can we imagine how to define the relationship of athleticism to piety? Where would it start, without at least having a clue as to what sort of person we were wanting to become?
There must have been some unimagined seedling within our life’s garden which grew into our tree, which made us this precise species since there were so many paths to choose. But in the scope of life’s chapters and perspectives, it is almost impossible to imagine what seed designed all-of-me; it is beyond ourselves to prove ourselves[4].
But whatever that bright spark could be, its very remoteness[5] is part cause for the suffering that pervades life at every level (whether dark and overpowering or a perennial malaise that seeks distraction). Everyone carries a hole in their heart[6].
The name and shape of the hole incarnates and mutates, as we accumulate tragedies, and our values change. But through all these changes, there is this constant: we can always look back on all of them. – This is superficially flippant, but enlightening when it is seen that at every stage, the chain of darkness, obeys an unchanging template[7].
It is a truism that to experience life is to learn more about oneself.
[Planned content: The story of five incarnations is always applicable. Aleph through Hei. We cannot see when the Hei will end (cf. Sacred fire on Vayechi and Nachum Ish on Ha’azinu), but to end it completely would be indistinguishable from the fixing of our heart (cf. Kol yemei chayecha)].
{Part 8 – 17/05/2017}
Regarding http://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/604846/jewish/Mystic-Math-the-Name-of-Jacob.htm and comments above
http://etzion.org.il/en/10-catharsis-emotions explains more clearly but from a different angle.
[1] Tzadik vav mem is 136, without the vav is 130. The Torah was the blueprint (kav hamida?) but once created (tzimtzum) was not used by creation until given at Sinai. A fast is a temporary cessation of nutriment (chessed, zayin), so that the joining of direction (Chochma) and the effort to fulfil (netzach) can no longer pass through it (i.e. chessed), and so instead “heart” (Tiferet) is used to motivate. The fast of Adam was a tzitzum of sorts (tzadik) that revealed the potential (mem sofit). But this fast caused kelipot, which are the redundant material of the flash of inspiration (chochma) and this is inevitable since there was no use of Torah (Yissaschar channels chesed to Zvulun gevura) – and this is why instead of going from chochma-tiferet-netzach “jumped” chochma-netzach to 130.
[2] Olam tohu and shvirat hakelim.
[3] Olam tikkun.
[4] Partzufim of partial rectification to become complete rectification.
[5] Klipa like the hair of Chochma.
[6] Tzom without Vav.
[7]“130” as the length of Adam’s fast, and of Yaakov’s grief.
