The search for answers is fueled by curiosity, directed by questions, and treads along a pavement of non-delineated possibility.
I have turned to Buddhism to learn about meditation. I meditate to unfurl the self, clean the glass darkly, and strengthen the mind. The Buddhists promise only an understanding of suffering and a means to its end, though there are many milestones along this road. I wish to end my suffering, too.
Buddhism is an offer not a request.
Introducing myself to Buddhism
Practically and personally I introduced myself by reading Buddhist instructions for breath meditation. I intended to take away only what I thought best within Buddhism – which I assumed to be their expertise in meditation. In this regard I was somewhat mistaken, for they are not the only teachers of meditation, and any qualifier needs a context. At the present time I believe them to be experts in purifying the self by sheer awareness and observation.
In any case, later I attended some dhama talks at a temple, and reinforced my understanding of the precepts. I experimented in subjecting myself to the precepts, considering that they may prove fruitful for my study of meditation. I have also continued to introduce basic concepts and understandings by simple, contemporary texts, and thus have gained a basic understanding of concepts implicit (and explicit) in the eightfold path.
There is no need to repeat the facts and beliefs of Buddhism. But there may be value in describing my experience – qua uninitiated, considerably uninformed, seeker and traveler.
A novice testing the five precepts
I began by telling myself that I would obey the precepts for a set period and then consider the experience. In most cases, applying the precepts was intuitive or simple to dogmatically intend.
Here are the results of my experiences: Committing to a code of behaviour increases awareness of behaviour and action. For example I have attended more often to the words that I use. It also induced me to consider honestly the undercurrents that describe my intuition of good vs bad behaviours. As in the case of behaviours that are associated with guilt without any awareness of an underlying corruption. Or in reverse, behaviours that have been practiced without any association of trouble, yet that in retrospect are associated with mental turmoil.
There is a difference in mechanism between an act that causes suffering because of habituation (esp. internalized social norm or psychological barrier) and an act that causes suffering because of the laws of karma. And along this train of thought, the precepts can be abstracted as a law to prefer skilled choices (or actions, or thoughts) vs unskilled choices. The actions that cause suffering due to habituation, only cause suffering because of an unskilled tendency that follows in their wake. It can be extrapolated to say that a full understanding of these habituated action-responses would exorcise the suffering.
It is clear that certain unskilled acts, which contradict the precepts, yet which can also be classically defined as “immoral” were the cause of internal instability – as manifested on metric of anxiety, and as manifested on a metric of mindfulness and concentration during meditation. It is not simple to definitively state this cause. It is difficult to say that this is because this was unskillful, or contradicted the precepts, or was immoral, or invoked past habituations.
Considering the killing another creature, where I do not instinctively believe it to be immoral (most obvious in the case of insects), it is even more difficult to understand the logic of the precepts. It has been suggested that to kill another entity, no matter how (seemingly) worthy of consideration, is to express a form of unskilled rejection to a phenomenon (i.e. the lifeform) as it exists in the mind. Thus the law of karma is said to extend to mechanisms beyond immediate comprehension, and despite concealment by clouds of delusion and defilement.
A novice’s introduction to the eightfold path
I approached the eightfold path assuming that the benefits I have already sampled – through sheer, mundane, psycho-therapeutic meditation – might be enhanced or better received.
My first impressions were superficial, and only mildly impressed. The various paths appeared to be mere keystones of values to be admired; a medley of ethics, ethos, and tools. Since then I have undertaken more study, and my impressions continue to grow in the elaboration of their considerations, and by accounting of admiration.
Where I had seen discrete considerations unified by a common goal, now I see incredible interweaving of foundation and application and emanation. I have only just begun my study of the paths, in detail, but already I can see how one supports another, and how one empowers the development and fruits of another.
The precepts (even blindly attended) do increase awareness of the actions by the testing of their boundaries. But my limited introduction to the eightfold path show that the path directly increases awareness, and by that means bring improved action by fact of results.
Seeking the journey underneath the path
Once caught in the web of awareness and opportunity – so different from the precipice of complete ignorance, whereupon the questions are fewer – I ask the Buddha who he is, and why I should transmute his voice by my being: I ask myself, why know the Buddha? Are the solutions unique, or the alternatives lesser?
One indeed is one’s own refuge; how can others be a refuge to one? With oneself thoroughly tamed, one can attain a refuge, which is so difficult to attain.
I think Buddhism offers suggestions for taming oneself, for curbing the desires that are also the cause of dissatisfaction. This has been expressed often and better.
I think Buddha offers a metaphor (of a will) that promises self-discovery without dogma, only perseverance and self knowledge.
